.Express Lane Lover.

I heart my former self, in between arms and a safe place right now. Pavor Nocturnus. The end credits are about to roll and so are we. Less like credits, and more like whose to blame.

If I come out with my hands up will you promise to place a pen in them and write a conclusion to all of this?

Turn Off The Shyness

The back of my eyelids are the best I have to offer on days like this. Soft to the touch and honest.

I love you the most in the A.M.'s... when you're dressed "finals week chic" and wandering towards a glass of water. Sweat pants, and a messy pony tail. There is sincerity in your comfort. Let's test this out and see where we fall. I wrote the answers on the palm of my hand. I swear if you'll just sit next to me we'll make the grade.

I shot true romance in the chest. It was never about me at all, it was competition. Every ring I wear has been stolen or broken. Your heart is my new fashion statement. When I say let's take turns, I mean for the better.

Autocratic hearts and throats. Tongues loving on untouched skin and the words less spoken. These last few weeks have me hoping that you're only blooming when you appear to be wilting on the outside. If it makes it easier, I'm dying to be dearly forgotten, not wrongly remembered.

If I'm going to admit it's all for you it will be our moment. Don't bother sending in your troops to gather Intel. You're aware of my hearts location. Now ditch the anchor, and swim back to me.

Put A Little Love In Her Void

I send warnings with the lines on my forehead. City lights explode in our rough hearts and between interlocked finger tips. Let's love like far-away planets, pulling closer until we break into a million excuses.

Let them all go ahead and void their loneliness with their cardboard friends. They'll come back to us when they blow over. Drink to the excitement, while keeping your lips sealed. We'll still be the only thing in focus.

funcrushin'

My whole life is an overdose of complication. I'm not your friend I'm a stock option. I dare you to trade me.

I love when your texts vibrate their way onto my screen in the middle of all of this. For you I'll always choose "accept." "Ignore" is only for the rest of them.

My big heart and best intentions will always trump whatever hand (or heart) you're holding onto.

After all, I'm just a test pilot behind the controls of this massive machine called life. Enjoy your in-flight movie as I weigh heavy on the throttle. Don't think for a moment that I won't take us down with a forced heartbeat if the mood catches me just right... just to be your parachute.

Good Things Are Coming

I'm just longing to be inside your company. She caught a moment of weakness in my eye and in that landslide of a glance, I was nearly buried.

Dear to my heart are the yellows of the moon. I see her waving a flag at me. It's not quite white, and it's not quite surrender... but it's got me curious.

Ice cold blue lips, vocal chords, and tongue in the back of my head with everything that I wish I could say. The tip of the iceberg of a credit check on the emotionally bankrupt. Looking for the last life jacket on this sinking ship called life.

I feel like a slow motion replay of a crash that never happened.

You are concrete and boomerangs and everything that I know I can count on. Thank you for that. When my back feels like breaking, or my stomach feels like heaving, or my eyes feel like raining I will always think of that.

Remember this is real. Even when your head is spinning, and your heart is fluttering, and you are hiding tears amongst the skyline.

I Told Them All That I Would Re-Tire On This Date

I'm the only one who is going to get away with making excuses today. Snow White pills and the following 7 hours. Watch this. I hugged her goodbye at the airport this afternoon just in case. I'm Act One of her tragedy. Sorry folks, the Second Act didn't make it much past rehearsal, so there will be no intermission. I'm all that was written.

Sometimes the people you expect to be there are no shows. Especially when you're on the tile floor heaving, and the medics are doing all that they can to save both mother and child. A screen cap is just a quick moment captured in time. So screen cap this life... where prescription drugs were just another excuse, and everyone had an alibi.


I swore I'd make it back/up to you, so consider this the follow through.

WeAllWantSomethingElse

You Are My Suitcase

All beautiful things fade out, that's why fireflies flash. The glass is half full so watch my eyes. This isn't a trick, but magical comes to mind.

We've been through it all and we've eaten the stars right out of the sky together. My thoughts only make sense with your explanations.

Stick Out The Rounds And Just Wait For The Count

Happiness to my best friend is a chunk of a bone that he forgot he buried under my pillow. I want that type of life. The four-hour memory kind. Where every time I hear the word "outside" and "car" I get ecstatic. It's not that ignorance is bliss, it's just that a lapse in memory can be the greatest gift on the worst of days.

No one understands his whines. I'm not even sure if I do half of the time. I just know that I want to make it all better. We have our own language. One made of late night kicks, and licks on the face. He buries his nose at my feet, and sometimes, in the pit of my arm. The worst of me somehow helps him relax.

Artificially sweetened limelight. Been reading too much Coelho to the point that I have a new obsession with legacy, being murdered, and seaside towns. Gotta get out more.

Tucking My Chin And Walking Into The Storm

The smiles lately have all been real, even if the writing doesn't show it... I'm in love with everything that is broken and sometimes I like it when what's broken is in love with me back. Forever kids are magnets for each other.

I just put the best thing in my life on a flight home. Shaking hands still hold this ugly head upright.

I'm going back to lonely, but only like a cigarette. I'm pretty sure I'm always being smoked somewhere though. Somewhere in this town I'm being placed to all of their mouths just to be put out. It's no secret that my mouth moves faster than my head ever could, and lets not even speak of the words that are at my finger tips. They're never thought through. They just kinda come and come, like the light underneath the door. Real poets speak with their fists, and I'm trying to be remembered.

Hope is the most fragile thing, but it sticks in the back of your head, just like her. It pulses through your legs and can make you run up the stairs instead of taking the elevator. I knew I had to meet you in an aisle this Sunday morning. I knew I had to wake up to the biggest eyes that I've ever seen. Although I'm not built for alarm clocks, my everything is built for timelessness.

Narcoleptic fodder... that's what I am. Don't think for a second that I wouldn't be awake for my own downfall... it's just not that easy. Even the doctors are in disbelief. I'm well aware that there is absolutely no insurance for this. Clearly I'll only go broke trying to keep up.

If you looked inside you'd see artifacts that'd proved I once cared much more about all of this... it's just that there is this other world deep inside my head and sleep that feels so much more alive lately.

Nocturnal Admissions

Fingers crossed only betray held hands over exchanged vows. I'm sure that sentence is as clear as my head right now. Spent some time in an MRI this afternoon. There is no room colder or smaller. I'm sure the results will mention the affection imprinted deep inside my head... for you.

I met the stranger that I've been dreaming of in the waiting room this week, and the new year has suddenly become like fireworks over the valley. She is electric bursts of color. The last few days say so. I will keep writing you stories if it will help you sleep.

She writes me old fashioned letters with her perfume on the pages, and with crossed out words that she took back... like "is this really happening?"

Welcome Back

Back in town, but keeping out of touch and reach from most. Here's to laying low. All electronics off. Including alarm clocks and phones. It's literally what the doctor ordered. Resolutions are for the weak, so of course I have a few, but my first is to not share it all.

Back(ed) into my favorite corner this afternoon.. on purpose. Kept the overhead light off so they couldn't see the emotion.

My mind is running, but more like in place. It's kind of how life is. You wouldn't understand what I mean. You and they have been here before but it isn't the same for me. And trying to explain anything is just leaving me with a dry mouth and sore shoulders... and you shaking your head (not in disagreement but more like disbelief).

Take theses and "mellow out" they said, but that has been the problem all along... at least one of them.

Watched the ball drop trying to forget another year of favors (and how long it's gonna take to repay them.)

Times Square counted down and I called it even at zero as I wrote a certain someone's name on the fogged up window, watching the millions below ringing in my latest regret. I'm not in love with failure anymore, it's in love with me.